the four right chords can make me cry

2008-06-25T01:02:00.001+08:00

so long, cyberspace.
i'm off to pursue my alter ego.

love,
ใจเย็น

2008-04-27T23:54:00.002+08:00

I really really really want to watch taxidermia which ends its run on thursday.
But I'm having problems because:
1) its the exams and no one wants to go with me
2) the film sounds really dark and grotesque and plain weird, and not many people would want to subject themselves to it
3) it's so gross that even I might not want to watch it if I have to watch it alone

oh well. If no one responds, then I will just have to work up the guts to watch it by myself then.

2008-04-26T22:49:00.002+08:00

daddy on biodiversity

dd: I wish they would at least name a turtle after me. I would be very happy.
b: a butt-ugly turtle?
dd: The uglier the better!

daddy on the never-ending battle with the forces of entropy (aka housework)

dd: after you finish ironing, can you go bathe the dog?
b: I was going to, but now that you've asked me to do it; I dowan.
dd: then I reverse the spell: don't bathe the dog ok?

2008-04-21T12:37:00.001+08:00

Life science jokes just aren't funny.

daniel
SDS? u? u need help with a date?

becky, time to SDS.
thats sdu lah!!!
SDS stands for sodium dodecyl sulphate
hahaha
or sit down n study

daniel
its SDS for grads now
sdu non grads
yah do u need sodium dodecyl sulphate

becky, time to SDS.
haha really ah
i didnt know that

daniel
oops its the reverse sds for no grads and sdu for grads
my bad

2008-04-18T21:39:00.002+08:00

I spent the whole day complaining to pam that the last day of undergrad life was so un-special.
But now, after a really fun time at end of sem gathering, I feel so so empty.
Perhaps its just being at home. I have come to really dislike being home, save for the company of my dog.
No one is home, I don't know why my mum insists I come home to an empty house.
Not even my house, for much longer.

2008-04-09T23:38:00.002+08:00

I've been wearing the bracelet k gave me since poster yesterday.

In the email, which gmail tells me was sent 5 hours ago, about lunchtime in portugal, she said:

"Tried a spell at opening for lunch but gave up yesterday which now gives me more time to write to my favourite niece."

Yay, I'm so happy to be someone's favourite anything!

"Keep your chin up and stay positive. It's all happening now."

ok, I shall!

The Flaming Lips - The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song

2008-04-02T23:34:00.001+08:00

2008-03-31T04:44:00.000+08:00

4 year 4 friends awake at 4am.

Whee~

2008-03-31T04:11:00.003+08:00

Darn scientists.

MAPK: Mitogen-Activated Protein Kinase
MAPKK: Mitogen-Activated Protein Kinase Kinase
MAPKKK: Mitogen-Activated Protein Kinase Kinase Kinase
MAPKAPK: MAPK-Activated Protein Kinase

Argh
Arghargh
Argharghargh
sigh.

2008-03-27T04:50:00.001+08:00

After weeks on end of staring at my double-spaced thesis.doc for a few hours each day,

single-spaced just looks wrong.

2008-03-25T22:43:00.002+08:00

On dentists on Sundays.

while my guitar gently weeps.
hahahha
wah, quite hard to fix your own teeth i think

Fadzli - "the man who trims himself to suit everybody will soon whittle himself away"
painful, inaccurate, but i do believe possible
if u were like the last person on heart
earth i mean
gosh mind not thinking straight

while my guitar gently weeps.
earth--> hearth--> heart
tadah!
in DNA terms
this is called translocation

Fadzli - "the man who trims himself to suit everybody will soon whittle himself away"
gosh dun get me started

2008-03-18T22:08:00.002+08:00

I once complained.

But in truth, I still love potatoes, in all their fantastic forms.

Think of it, chicken curry with no potatoes! How flat our curry puffs would be!

Did you know that 2008 is the year of the potato?

Happy IYP!
(international year of the potato)

2008-03-15T02:56:00.002+08:00

There was something poetic in the pathos of the trickle of water; glinting and gurgling in the moonlit drain. Ah, sewage and modern living.

The neighbourhood was so still. Cars, immovable and obdurate along their pavements, not sleeping but static, part of the landscape since time immemorial. Leached of the sharp saturation of the day, indistinct and grey forms merged into the dark. Every thing loses its boundaries at 2am.

In contrast (contrast), I considered the perfect white marble that has journeyed far to see me. Every minute detail thrown into sharp relief. Harsh lights and nakedness, the scrutiny. Tomorrow, I resolved, we would meet.

I've spent a lot of time alone this week, explaining the particularly assertive inner life spilling into this post today. I only realise how quiet it has been at 4:30am, because the birds start calling. The more still the environment, the more chaotic my internal milieu.

In not so many words, this post is about stillness. And solitude.

Actually no lah, no need so chim.

Basically, my tuition kids canceled on me at the last minute and I decided to go to the museum instead only to realise that I have no friends whom I feel I can impose my self on at this last minute and drag into the museum.

But wasn't the long version nicer?

2008-03-15T02:51:00.002+08:00

talking to my brother

b:
i saw this guy wearing a shirt that said
"i'm not a geek
I'm a level 12 palladin"

skin d:
i'm a level 19 palladin.

b:
what does that mean?

skin d:
means he is a geek.

-------------------

b:
your hair is funny.

skin d:
your hair is ugly.

b:
no, pretty.

skin d:
pretty ugly.
it's uglier than russie's butt.
and that's pretty ugly.

2008-03-14T01:12:00.001+08:00

becks.
i'm distracted too
i dont want to do my thesis~ WHINEWHINEWHINE

Wei Min™　テオ。ウェイミン
lol
u suck at whining

2008-03-13T03:37:00.001+08:00

if you love me/are my friend/are readings this
you will hunt this down for me:

the rhine river tapes

2008-03-02T22:42:00.000+08:00

so, my microwave caught fire.

sigh.

2008-02-21T11:39:00.002+08:00

I emailed k at last today. My bad, I never reply on time. And it's ironic, considering how bad their internet access is over there. It was almost a year ago now, but it feels like a lifetime away.

So tenuous, these ties that link people together. I'm so thankful for each and every person in my life (ok, almost every person, if i'm honest).

And yesterday, like I was telling josh, I met so many people, it really made my day. From secondary school junior (who remembers my name, but whose name I can't remember) and weichin at the pool, to weimin's sister, to darryl, to mark, to nick, to chels, to phoebe, to weiying, to dom at the bus stop (we missed 5 buses together), to grace in lecture, to birthday girl sien and the whole of wednesday CG, to sk and even ying kit and boredin.

and there's fadz and veron to meet for lunch now! yay =)

2008-02-15T02:54:00.002+08:00

KT answering his own questions:

"you all are final year students right?
have you heard of the journal PNAS?
is it a good journal?
it's a bloody good journal, ok?"

And that was our introduction to SP, whom proceeded to better KT by calling all the bacteria "bastards" and saying f**k.

He said it again when I went over to biopolis to talk to him today. Less than prof-like language aside, he seemed to have my interests at heart and told me to first of all, consider my own future and career. Because essentially (as boss would say), doing a phd is like signing a slave contract. Those were his exact words.

He seemed to be sizing me up at the same time, I felt it in his gaze. Would this student survive? He said he was excited about the project and would wait to hear from me. I wonder what that means; have I really passed his assessment or is that something they say just to be nice?

As you can see, I am cautiously optimistic. The offer is more than seductive, a chance that I'll be spending at least two years in KI in Sweden. KI, that's the place that gives out the Nobel prize! And he really bent over backwards to offer a phd "package", throwing in clinical work, neat setups, fancy equipment and other promises.

Let me just say that now is the time to be a life science grad student. Department after department, prof after prof, they all seem so hungry for fresh meat. Funding is flush, opportunities abound. And dare I say, standards are low?

SP asked me what my background was, so I told him about my current project and my previous UROPS, and he was like, no no, what's your background? are you a chemistry, physics, engineering major...? You don't even need a life science background and they're already keen on you. He not once even got close to asking me about my CAP score; it clearly was not a concern. I got that impression from the open house that day too; come one, come all. 2nd lower? No problem! Just apply!

Since there are more opportunities than students who are taking them, I shall weigh my choices very carefully, since I'm almost at the luxury to pick and choose, even. I find it really weird, because I know I'm nowhere near the best student, and I know so many friends I judge to be better than myself who are unwilling to try to apply even. At the same time, lingering doubts over my own competency threaten to influence my decision-making process.

So yeah, today is Valentine's day. Happy one to all readers! I had a great day, surrounded by friends from the moment the day began till the very moment it ended. Met Fai, Pong and SK to go running, ending up at Fong Seng and only getting back at 2am. The run was great fun, the company was excellent. Had a nice lunch and a good conference the next day, followed by a trip to biopolis. Saw Grace and Tee on my way to a slack day in lab working on my report. Briefly hung out with the attached peoples of Thursday CG, sitting around wondering where all the non-attached people were on Valentine's day. Prayer at pgp today was really uplifting too. Felt we should have sang this song to close actually, but got too distracted by the prospect of bubble tea.

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turned His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen one
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon the cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Then we watched Dead Poets Society and a TED video, sailing into the 15th sharing thoughts and ideas with friends.

I really don't think I could have spent this day any better than I have done today. =)

2008-02-09T21:17:00.000+08:00

Someday I will:
- anchor myself
- buy a vespa
- climb a mountain
- do a marathon
- enter the real world
- fly away from this place
- go to Africa
- have a house of my own
- invent a cure
- join my grandma in heaven
- knit something recognisable
- learn how to dance
- make a difference
- need to know
- obey completely
- publish in Nature
- question myself
- regret some things
- start a band
- tell you how I feel
- understand myself
- volunteer again
- write a book

not necessarily in that order.

2008-02-07T02:05:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year

2005, you can tell what year it is by the length of my brother's hair.

2006, but my daddy is wearing the same shirt.

2007 I was in the UK

2008

2008-02-03T00:48:00.000+08:00

Stop baby
Don't go
Stop here
Never stop living here
Till it eats
The heart
From your soul
Keeps down the
Sound of your
Silent sigh
Keeps down all
Move me down
Could we love
Each other?
No, don't
Love each other
Never gonna be the same

2008-01-15T12:06:00.001+08:00

Cha-cha-cha!

2008-01-12T14:03:00.001+08:00

Of course, what I had really wanted to say was, "I wish".

2008-01-09T23:34:00.000+08:00

apologies to Erlend and Erik

Everyday there's a girl in the mirror
Asking me, what are you doing here?
Finding all my previous motives
Growing increasingly unclear

I've traveled far and I burned all the bridges
I believed as soon as I hit land
All the other options held before me
Would wither in the light of my plan

So I lose some cells and my boss won't be happy
But there's only one thing on my mind
Searching boxes underneath the counter
On a chance that on a tape I find
A song for
Someone who needs somewhere
To long for

Homesick
Cause I no longer know
Where home is

In other words, I got the scholarship.

2008-01-02T12:19:00.001+08:00

So this is the new year
I don't feel any different
The clanking of crystal
Explosions off in the distance

So this is the new year
I have no resolutions
No self-assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions

So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogues bleed into one

I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then I could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways
There'd be no distance that could hold us back

There'd be no distance that could hold us back

So this is the new year

2007-12-09T01:53:00.000+08:00

Tonight I'll sing my songs again
I'll play the game and pretend
But all my words come back to me
In shades of mediocrity
I need someone to comfort me

It's been quite a week. Halfmarathons, essay deadlines, major exams and then the sem ends unceremoniously in a whimper.
It's been quite a day. I'm physically, mentally, financially and emotionally drained.

Oh it's just nothing, I told her, just my seasonal bout of mediocritits. Chronic infection, remains latent until the holidays when I have time, like k, to gaze at my navel and ponder the meaning of life. Clinical manifestations include extreme absentmindedness, unwillingness to participate in social activities, and general moody/broody disposition.

I've been thinking a lot about it, the universal and the particular. I know my life is meaningful on some level, at the level of human rights where every human life is valuable. But I'm looking for something more specific, I want to know why I, ME, this one insignificant life out of 6 billion, means anything at all to anyone. And I want to mean something specific to someone specific, though unspecified.

In a sea of other runners, I'm just one of the also-rans. # 26017. Serene and Graham couldn't find me, even the photographers couldn't find me, though I bear them no ill will, since it means less unglam pics of me on the net. Being in that crowd, the overwhelming uniformity, was almost dehumanising. What does it mean to finish 3990th place? To have an average speed of 8.2kmph? To be reduced to a bunch of numbers, placed in relative standing to everyone else.

In short, mediocre, insignificant and faceless.

She asked, does feeling mediocre have anything to do with your grades? And upon reflection, yes, definitely. Yet another instance where everything I am capable of doing, my very worth as a person, is reduced to a relative number. Dehumanised.

I guess I'm also kinda upset that I haven't heard from the scholarship people, and how completely unaccomplished filling out the application form made me feel.

Creative tension, that's what uncle jing hee told me. I remember feeling somewhat disappointed and shocked, even, at his response. You mean, there ISN'T a way I can negotiate the two poles and all my life I will have to maintain and continue being caught in the tension?

So I'm trying to figure this out, what does it mean to be of universal value (Christ died for all) and particular value (Christ died for me)?

2007-11-16T10:16:00.000+08:00

we will become
silhouettes when our bodies finally go

2007-10-30T23:01:00.000+08:00

When you have the most work to do, every little thing becomes an immense distraction.

I bought a PET bottle of Kickapoo some time ago from a vending machine, on whim, and have been using it since as a water bottle. As I was innocently taking a mid-study drink from it, I noticed that the ingredients lists read like this:
Carbonated water, sugar, maltitol, kickapoo concentrate, permitted food conditioners and colours (tartrazine), flavouring, potassium sorbate and ascorbic acid (vitamin C).

the mid-study drink then became a post-study drink as I abandoned all work to google "kickapoo".

Check this out!
KICKAPOO JOY JUICE is a liquor of such stupefying potency that even the hardiest citizens of Dogpatch, after a first burning sip, rise into the air, stiff as frozen codfish. Concocted in a large wooden vat by the inseparable cave-dwelling buddies Lonesome Polecat and Hairless Joe, the ingredients are both mysterious and all-encompassing. When the brew needs a little more body, the pair throws one in.

Lonesome polecat and hairless joe?!?! HAHAHAHA...

2007-10-26T01:57:00.000+08:00

I've gone pubbing past 2am for 3 nights in a row.
PubMed-ing, that is.

2007-10-24T12:42:00.001+08:00

I had a very similar conversation with my prof 2 weeks ago, just not so extreme. He seems to think that it's still the first month of school when in fact, this term is going to be over soon.

2007-10-22T21:20:00.000+08:00

The best Monday I've had in a long time =)

Nice sleep with the rain outside.
Veron was nice enough to lend me money cos I left my wallet in my room.
Presentation went well!
Lunch with Fadz!
Conferences, at last.
Being with everyone again just felt so good.
Happy birthday weimin!

2007-10-20T02:32:00.000+08:00

True, I talk of dreams,
Which are the children of an idle brain,
Begot of nothing but vain fantasy,
Which is as thin of substance as the air
And more inconstant than the wind, who wooes
Even now the frozen bosom of the north,
And, being anger'd, puffs away from thence,
Turning his face to the dew-dropping south.

2007-10-13T01:28:00.000+08:00

Negotiating a Postmodern, Posthuman world

One of the things I've often struggled with is the anti-intellectual flavour that I've seen some Christians adopt. Don't study philosophy, because, it will weaken your faith, don't think so much (most annoying phrase by far), don't be so cheem, faith is meant to be simple. Well yes, faith IS simple, but it's not simplistic.

I've found myself increasingly dissatisfied with the pat, unreflective answers to genuine questions I've harboured, but scarcely dared to air. Compared to the robustness and coherence of the theories and ideas that I've increasingly been exposed to academically; those cut and dried sunday school answers seem to wither and distance themselves even further from reality. Worse of all, dogmatic assertions made blindly and uncompromisingly (but with good intentions) forced down unwilling throats. To be honest, the narrowness of vision and perspective has sometimes left me disillusioned and frustrated, unable to articulate and engage.

I probably have only held on this long through encounters with sensitive friends willing to listen and understand, some who feel the same way. But sometimes (pretty often), I feel disengaged, misunderstood and isolated.

So it was very good indeed this week to hear from Vinoth Ramachandra. Contrary to constant excuses made on behalf of a quiet audience struggling to unpack his rather "dense" lectures, I found his insights on Postmodernism and Posthumanism rather underwhelming, he is certainly a very well-read man but I think he held back the deep stuff for this series of talks. But I think he painted a fairly accurate (and bleak) picture of reality; it was a quite fair and balanced description of the way things are (insofar as I perceive reality accurately, but that's really a whole other can of worms). But what struck me most of all was how exquisitely simple the answers are, were, and always have been.

Simple though the answers may be, their implications are profound and far-reaching; there is not one area of life that they do not impact upon. I was quite disappointed when someone went up and said something to the effect of, "I don't want this to just be a 'brain-tickling' exercise; could you tell me some practical things I could do about it?" Really showed how the message was completely lost on this person (and probably most people); namely, please think critically for yourself!

It's not "just" an academic exercise, it's not a passive process of listening to someone and taking orders and directives like some cheapo self-help book. But encountering a representation of the Truth, thinking about how your viewpoint differs from the one presented, meditating and reflecting upon it; if you do all these things , how can it NOT occur to you what must change, what the implications are? And these implications are different for each person, you do yourself wrong when you'd rather unreflectively have someone tell you what to do next. Sometimes I feel its a way of absolving responsibility and a way of restricting and limiting what is required of us by God. If I do X, Y and Z, as the speaker suggests, then yay, I've done my duty and in all other aspects of my life I can continue as before.

The message is far more profound than that.

If we look at what Jesus set out to do, to set the captives free, to feed the hungry and clothe the naked, to invert the world order; is it any wonder that Singaporeans don't like to hear about this? In God's world order, we could be as near the bottom as we are near the top now. So the audience bristles, defensive and eager to squeeze out a kind word for our money-worshipping society, but there is none.

It forced me to take a long, hard look at myself. I grudgingly admit, yes, I have been less willing to engage with unpleasant people in real life because through technology, I can easily find like-minded people. Yes, I often distance myself from the world and behave like a vagabond or a tourist. Yes, I have sometimes treated people than less than they are worth in the eyes of God. Yes, things, relationships and even people have sometimes become commodities to me. Yes, I have often shirked community because it IS slow, messy and difficult. Guilty as charged.

As underwhelming the theoretical discussion was, the spiritual dimensions were enormously overwhelming. Like Damien said, you just don't know where to start.

But at least now, I believe again in the answers.

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
And to walk humbly with your God.
Micah 6:8

2007-10-11T23:02:00.000+08:00

this week i...
- overslept and missed a lecture =(
- wrote a song with yiwen and sarah!
- wrote an email to my aunt =)
- got new antibodies to play with
- discussed quantum theory and the dark side of hippos in the same conversation
- downloaded another don and drew episode
- saw the sunset at west coast park
- missed being in the UK real bad
- was challenged by a talk
- was switched off in lectures
- got a lift back to pgp! hoot!

tadah!

Newton Faulkner - Teardrop (Massive Attack Cover)

2007-10-08T23:06:00.001+08:00

I am bowled over.
I was quite convinced that this was one of those songs you just couldn't play on the guitar. This tapping-strumming method is jaw-droppingly amazing! New guitar hero for becky!
Love the grimy hippie dreads and the brit accent!
but ARGH, why do I have to discover him only now when I'm back in Singapore and he's in the UK! He was at Glasto! I should have gone.. =(

Death Cab For Cutie - The New Year

2007-09-20T22:37:00.001+08:00

2007-09-12T17:39:00.000+08:00

Bizzare fact: My room just sprouted gold curtains while I was at school today.
Random fact: I always eat ice cream on wednesdays. But I can eat on other days too, naturally.
Family fact: it's peachy's birthday today! go taupok him if you can.

2007-09-10T02:48:00.000+08:00

Prof Teo is the coolest ever.
He just added me on Facebook!

2007-08-09T20:07:00.000+08:00

The Brit accent is just too cute.

To do: Watch Yellow Submarine again.

2007-08-08T22:20:00.000+08:00

12638 miles away
audacious, abrupt
smile, moments after making her cry
never then, but now, even in public

quickly exhausted
turns to bitterness
It's too late now for that, it's too late
Yet premonition, set by precedent:
too late for you, too?

Too hard, it's too hard!
I don't want, I don't want
sullen child, petulant, churlish

Your tenderness
unexpected, overwhelming
destory, making her melt
now, as always, only in secret

2007-07-29T00:35:00.000+08:00

Becks, possibly the worst knitter in the world

Oubliette :: Throw a stranger an unexpected smile says:
ooh are you knitting??

possibly the worst knitter in the world says:
attempting too
its hideous

i wanted to learn knitty too

this is what you get for attempting to learn how to knit from online sources

there are LJs for knitting made up of young 20somethings who knit cute things
i think i need to do a class
i cant have words telling me what to dowith my hands
it doesnt work that way

wot is LJs?
i really suck at knitting
if i show you my work you will laugh
at least im funny

is it a shapeless and neverending scarf?
lj = livejournal!

ooooo
well
it HAS a shape
its just that im not sure what kinda shape it is
amoeba like

ooh
im sure people would totally go for knitted amoebas

it IS a nice colour though

ooh
which is?

red
looks like a heart of some fashion
with some imagination

made with love!
heh the thing with knitting is
the easiest thing to make is scarfs butnobody needs them here

even a scarf is too ambitious a project for me
and i shall never blight anyone with a wonky scarf made by me!
unless there's good reason to be so cruel

its always the thought that be counting!

2007-07-18T23:15:00.000+08:00

So good to meet up with friends like Fadz, we don't have to do anything special, it's the company that really counts.

On the train back, I met yu zhong and was quite surprised at how much he was the same. As we fingered through the past to look for common ground, I wonder how everyone from my secondary school days are doing. I wonder what they imagine I would be now. He seemed to think that I would be doing Law.

While I was walking the dog, this other dog ran out from nowhere towards us. I instinctively bent down and threw my arms around my dog, who was much smaller than this slobbering beast approaching us and who has been attacked by another dog before, requiring stitches and everything. I picked him up and walked away, thinking.

There admittedly aren't very many things that I truly love. But when I do love, I'd like to think that I do it wholeheartedly. Am I really all that naive?

The past is a funny thing. Or rather, we remember it funny. I've always mistrusted my memory, not simply because I'm quite absent-minded though you may find that funny. But because of how subjective it is, how very differently two people can remember the same conversation, because of how arbitrary and selective the details we recall are, how there used to be a pole right in the middle but it isn't there anymore, because of how a new piece of information or attitude can cause us to look back at the same memory and it's become completely different. And yet what do we have if not our memories?

Thats the question being asked in Bladerunner. What if you are a replicant? What if your memories are not your own? What does that make you?

Death cab say it this way:
It stung like a violent wind
That our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds

I bought Plans today at HMV, very pleased. However, am puzzled as to why Transatlanticism is twice the price at $30 =(

2007-07-17T01:03:00.000+08:00

I've been away at 2 camps. Here are some photos from my time at the project timothy bible conference on wealth. Will post photos from VCF FOC when I receive some.

2007-07-15T18:15:00.000+08:00

You are hereby invited to the following event:

Engraving the World exhibition at SAM
+ curator tour from 7:30-8:30pm

What: An important collection from the Lourve and insight into a not-so-well-known medium of expression.

Where: Singapore Art Museum
71 Bras Basah Road, Singapore 189555

When: Friday, July 20 from 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm (approx, I haven't really decided yet)

Free admission on Fridays from 6-9pm!

2007-07-08T17:58:00.000+08:00

I'm 22 for a moment.

Very blessed to have friends who love me so much.
Thanks for all the smses and emails.
Thanks for the joint celebration with Sam yesterday, was good to catch up with everyone.
Thanks Serene for staying over with me and "waking up" at ungodly hours and waiting around a whole bunch of sweaty runners! Much fun we had at 5 in the morning =)
Thanks Daniel for letting yourself be pyschoed into running with me =)
Thanks Graham for getting up so early and showing us your support.
Thanks Chels, Dawn and Shaun for surprising me at the finishing line! That was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me in a long time!

Happy and satisfied.

2007-07-04T18:24:00.000+08:00

When I don't blog for a relatively long period of time, it usually means one of three things:
1) I'm too busy to blog
2) I'm too depressed to blog
3) Nothing's been happening worth blogging about

this time, it's been a curious mix of all 3.

But the fact that I'm blogging now cancels out #3; not blogging is the thing I'm blogging about. and a dinner appointment cancelled tonight so #1 is out, too.

Maybe I've been watching too much Daria.

2007-06-28T02:25:00.000+08:00

im back home and it feels weird.

2007-06-15T04:08:00.000+08:00

Ok, first thing to be said about Newcastle is that the guy at the reception is very cute.

That having been said and gotten out of the way, the hostel I'm staying at is really nice! It's bright and cheery, even though it's housed in an old Victorian building. The rooms are nice and airy, beds are warm, showers are good and clean. And the whole atmosphere is very friendly! I find myself smiling at everyone around me. It starts with the staff, who are friendly and helpful without being intrusive. When I checked in, the guy at the counter got up, shook my hand and introduced himself, very different from the last reception I recieved which has a little cold. And did I mention he's very cute?

So I'm using the internet for free now because he gave me half an hour free! He asked me if I had eaten, and I told him I wasn't eating because I was saving money. So he asked me if I could make some toast for him (freeflow toast here) cos he couldn't leave the counter, and that I should help myself to as much jam as I liked. When I came back with the toast and asked for half an hour of internet, he gave me the coupon for free! Yay =)

Newcastle is a very nice city. The weather's been kinda sucky, cold and rainy, but it's a small place and I imagine, very nice to walk around in better weather. Some of the streets are lined with really gorgeous buildings, and the park Will recommended had the most fun playground in the world! Pictures when I get back to Birmingham ok. But the best thing in this city would be the Baltic Flour Mill, which is actually an art gallery. Really cutting edge stuff! I was thinking that Hozea would love it so much.

Was thinking of another fellow Zhonghuarian today, Timo. I went to the Newcastle United Football Club stadium at St James park to take photos for the aforementioned former schoolmate.

Bought gifts for my grandma and mum today, as well as a really cool goldfish pendant for myself! It was spotted among a messy display of other things, and I could tell that the shop lady wanted it for herself! She confessed as much later on. Muahaha. I saw it first =P

Very very broke now but still spending money because Daddy said he would send me some =P But there's still York and London to go so I really need to watch it.

ok, time is running out now!!!

oh yeah
my flight has finally been confirmed

27JUN WED EMIRATES SINGAPORE
2055 EK 352 B CHANGI TERMINAL 1

2007-06-13T16:45:00.000+08:00

Ok 3 minutes of credit left!!!

At the hostel, paying £1 for 15 minutes of internet usage.

Other than that exhorbitant price, I love Liverpool!

2007-06-10T05:45:00.000+08:00

I'm going traveling alone from tomorrow onwards, so here are the details, just in case.

10-13th Liverpool
Hostel: YHA Liverpool
25 Tabley Street, off Wapping
Merseyside

13-15th Newcastle
Hostel: Albatross Backpackers Inn
51 Grainger street
Newcastle

15-17th Northumbria
Homestay

17-19th York
Hostel: York Youth Hotel
11/13 Bishophill Senior
York

2007-06-09T06:43:00.000+08:00

Little old ladies
With their sensible shoes
Little old men
With their sensible views
The old people parade
Goes marching on by

I go for a walk
Trying desperately to remember the place
That will soon remember my place no more

Empty, my room
As though I were never here
Empty, my heart
As though I never met you

We turn our backs
And walk in opposite directions
It's called "forward"

It won't matter
It won't mean a thing, child
There will be many other things
That you would wish you could forget
And forget you will
As time marches on
And you join the old people parade

2007-06-08T17:29:00.000+08:00

Personality of the Week
Brought to you by the unprepared traveler and Wikipedia

Rachel Carson

I first read Carson's landmark book, Silent Spring, in JC when I was doing a review of it for Bio S class. To use the terminology of Richard Dawkins, whom I'm reading now, this book was absolutely crucial to environmental "conscious-raising" in the 1960's. Faced with immense negative pressure from both publisher and pesticide companies, Carson spoke out against the excessive use of DDTs, highlighting their detrimental impact on health and the environment. Though she did not live to see DDT banned, she devoted the rest of her life to her cause, and can be considered one of the originators of the environmental movement.

I really admire her, for her commitment to her cause and dogged perseverance through financial difficulty, sexual discrimination and family tragedy. And it resonates with me that her training was in Science, but she continued to love writing, and she managed to successfully lead a life that involved both.

Personality of the Week (PoW) will be taking a break for 1 or 2 weeks while I'm off on my travels. Till then, stay curious about the world around you and don't lose your sense of wonder!

2007-06-04T03:42:00.000+08:00

I do believe it's true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes

2007-06-03T06:03:00.000+08:00

On Art: food for thought: excerpts from a book I read once

Thus, elaborating, I seem to perceive that a stark-naked soul has nothing but its naked likes and dislikes – nothing much better than artlessness – and bare naïveté is no more trustworthy in a gallery of paintings than in a chemist’s laboratory. In either the gallery or the laboratory, ignorance can blow itself up; and a complacent slight knowledge, too, can be disastrous. Sorcerers’ Apprentices uncork horrible turbulences.

This doesn’t mean that only a rarefied culture should dare to look at pictures or take pleasure in them. Nothing more sinister is intended than the inference that our opinions upon works of art, as upon anything else, need all the foundations we can put under them, or they are likely not to be worth expressing or even possessing. Moreover, when we rise above our likes and dislikes to form what we believe to be dispassionate judgments, these can be tricky. Sometimes we’re confident that they’re solidities, sound for the ages – and presently they prove as sly as quicksilver. Most often they are not ours at all, never were; we’ve only caught them like colds. Again, with a little time or a change of place, we see them as shameful ghosts we’re mortified to have consorted with.

We know that no man can escape from his period – willy-nilly he must be of it, chained down to it – but he has at least the power to free himself from the pressure of his haberdasher. He can even go further and keep clear vision when this decade’s styles in painting and sculpture are shown at fashionable exhibitions of art. He can’t fly out of his period, but he can avoid being harnessed in blinders by any of the series of fashions that succeed one another before his eyes.

When the fashionable way of looking at things has full hold upon us we’re victims of the flitting hour. The next hour most certainly arrives and forerunners deride what they thought valuable an hour ago. Life is as befuddled as this for minds fluffy enough to float on the fashions; but no person capable of meditative thought upon his own education needs to be that fluffy.

The meditative thought would not be enough without the education, and the education might be easily frazzled without the meditation. Current styles in seeing and thinking – even current styles in emotion – are insidiously contagious, especially so, of course, for the enthusiastic natures. Current styles may be ‘good’ styles and yet be as blinding as ‘bad’ ones. The merely stylish person, his vision slave to his modishness, utters the loud and vacant laugh of contemptuous sophistication when his led eyes behold the styles that yesterday enthralled him or his father. For the stylish of today, only today’s style, and styles somewhat like it in the past, are ‘good’ ones.

Thus stylishness is a kind of provincialism or localization in time, and the more ‘correct’ the up-to-dateness of the victim, the more surely is he to be a joke on the morrow. The paintings that Father bought go up to the garret as Grandfather’s come down. Some day Father’s will come down too. Then perhaps both will go up again, or to the auction block, making room for brighter canvases of the hurriedly passing present – these to be banished laughingly with the coming of a newer hour of illusion.

How may we live free of the continuously changing series of small illusions? How may we learn at least to see with the eyes of our whole period, and not the glaucoma gaze directed, as through gun-barrels, at tiny areas bright one moment, dark the next, and forever sliding out of sight? For the development of those necessities, education and mediation, we need all the educative and meditative aid that’s offered. Out of the history of man some truths about him have emerged into the light, and out of the history of art more than mere changing appearances may be discerned in that same illumination.

Will reference properly when i retrieve this book out of the box I sent back to Singapore, which hopefully gets there in about 2 months from now.

Packing up and winding down.

I sat at the bench, reading, today. It was past 9pm, but it was still light out. Birmingham was experiencing extremely warm weather, and I was out in my shorts and slippers. I looked out at the sky and the lawn, listened to the birds screaming at each other in the trees, made small talk with friends who walked by, and tried my best not to ruin the moment with my usual sentimental circularity.

Crossing the road earlier in the day, I waded through dandelion fluffs suspended in the sky, migrating together toward unknown destinations; anywhere but here, that's the idea. They looked like snowflakes, but less fatalistic.

Walking through the park, packed with families. Ice cream cones in every hand, worn proudly, the multi-flavoured badges of summer indolence. I hope to return home highly decorated.

My thoughts spiral wildly inward, sucking me in; I'm involuted.

Who will follow me into the dark?

2007-06-01T03:29:00.000+08:00

Personality of the Week
Brought to you by slacking biology student and Wikipedia

Lady Godiva

Hails from Birmingham's neighbour, Coventry, which boasts the finest airport I have ever slept in. *cough*

aka Patron Saint of Engineers or Goddess of Engineering, 4 of whom I have spent most of my time in Birmingham with.

Mentioned in an Aerosmith song. Aerosmith, whom I will be watching live in less than a month!

Last, but not least, she has lent her name to Godiva chocolates. Nuff said.

2007-05-28T20:54:00.000+08:00

Belle & Sebastian

Nice day for a sulk
The girl smells of milk
Her horsey teeth explode around us
And we run for cover she found us
In the cheapo bar with a bag of chips

Nice day for a mood
The forecast is good
The kids are melting in the doorway
Keep the gang together
There's no way will you ever be misunderstood by me

Nice day for a jam
The Fall, Manfred Mann
Dance party, summer lasts forever
When the band's together and Bobby
Drank too much and fell in the Clyde

2007-05-25T09:10:00.000+08:00

number twenty: se7en
watched with vanessa and aaron in room A21 of manor house

Had a nice day out shopping with Kjersti and Marie today, it's so nice to spend time with people from manor, it's just so sad that we'll all be going home soon, and Singapore is just so far away from everyone else.

I've finally put some photos up on facebook, if you have me on facebook.

2007-05-24T04:52:00.000+08:00

I celebrated the end of my exams by going to watch a movie with Vanessa!
Was looking for something to do after dinner and so decided to make a list (which always makes me happy, making lists) of all the movies I've watched this year (as far as I can remember).

1. Miss Potter (10th Jan)
2. Venus (29th Jan)
3. The Queen (5th Feb)
4. In the Mood for Love (6th Feb)
5. Infernal Affairs
6. Hannibal Rising (15th Feb)
7. Rocky Horror Picture Show (22nd Feb)
8. Battle Royale (23rd Feb)
9. Babel (23rd Feb)
10. Volver
11. Dr Strangelove
12. 300 (22nd March)
13. Good Will Hunting (23rd April)
14. District B13 (29th April)
15. Serendipity (8th May)
16. Blade Runner (8th May)
17. El Habitante Incierto (11th May)
18. Into Great Silence (13th May)
19. This is England (23rd May)

Very pleased, most of these are quite good shows! Hopefully more good shows to come.

2007-05-23T04:20:00.000+08:00

Exciting!

I wish I could say the same about my own research. Right now, I can't even find a prof who will let me do an honours year project in his/her lab, much less do groundbreaking work. Very upset I am. Time zone differences and the waiting for email replies doesn't really help much.

One more exam to go! Exactly 12 hours away, exactly 12 more chapters to revise! And then I can start thinking about my FYP again.

2007-05-21T21:46:00.000+08:00

Personality of the Week
Brought to you by distracted biology student and Wikipedia

Barbara McClintock

Over the years I have found that it is difficult if not impossible to bring to consciousness of another person the nature of his tacit assumptions when, by some special experiences, I have been made aware of them.

I remember reading about her in some textbook or other in year 1, but I think I got distracted by the picture of the cat next to the article (X-chromosome inactivation) and I don't remember much about her research except that it was about maize.

Female nobel prize winners rock.

2007-05-19T02:44:00.000+08:00

HUMBUG.

2007-05-16T22:25:00.000+08:00

just a little coffee to kickstart my day

market we stumbled upon

string quartet we stumbled upon

Why I love Londoners reason #27: they seek alternative modes of transport

up in arms at Cambden market

and that's why we're closed

becky loves big books!

houndstooth hats are hot

Lunch with FOS (friends of summer)
apologies for blurry picture, trembling from the sheer effort of resisting the duck on the table.

kai wai giving us his best "deer-caught-in-headlights" impression

I can hear the people sing~!!!

but I can't get into studying mode =(

Just got back from London, where I caught Les Miserables. Really really enjoyed it! Had very good seats too! Well pleased I am.

Before I left, I watched a really good film (Die Große Stille) that I wanted to blog about. But now i'm feeling kinda brain dead so just read this review for now if you're interested.

Philip Gröning’s Into Great Silence is pure cinema at its purest and most exalted. Its achievement virtually defies commentary; a critic has only words with which to illuminate a film, but how can what is wrought in silence be illumined by words?

continue reading

and lastly, my phone is spoilt =( keep having to turn it on and off, it's annoying.

Lemon Jelly Nice Weather For Ducks

2007-05-14T17:51:00.001+08:00

for chels.

because i saw 2 ducks on the lawn in manor today and because it's been nice weather for ducks and bad weather for joggers recently.

Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here

2007-05-14T02:03:00.001+08:00

2007-05-13T07:41:00.001+08:00

We went to watch Eurovision at the bar today, a extravaganza of campy fun! I do think that Ukraine should have won, don't you?

On another, even more exciting, note, I'm going to be watching Aerosmith live this June! Hehe... I made sure to spend some time today making my brother feel jealous about it. We had a hilarious chat. I invite you to eavesdrop:

b: guess wot peaches?

peach: wot

b: i is going for a concert

peach: huh cool

b: and guess who's headlining it?

peach: not the venga boys, right

b: eeeeeyer
starts with a
ends with h

peach: no idea

b: its not aezoh
ae........?

peach: aezeroth
aeroplane, meh

b: that dont end with h

peach: meh ends with a h

b: so close yet so far!

peach: AEROSMITH
I GOT IT

b: HOW COOL IS THAT!

peach: i envy you
ahah
exchange go so coool places

b: hanor

peach: all i got for choices was
china
and ... china

b: eh peaches you know what?

peach: no

b: try to convince mum&dad to buy you tickets to london
then you come help me carry luggage home
and watch concert with me
if you can convince them to buy you airtickets

peach: yah, cos the price to ship ur extra stuff is more ex than flyig there and back

b: i'll pay for your concert tick
no lah
i'll be shipping with some friends
freight
but if you come then dont need to ship
waddya thinik?
aerosmith
they're NEVER going to be in singapore
and they so old lor
gonna die soon
heh

peach: dont think i have the time to go up
but yeh, haha
enjoy, then bug me about it when you come back
which i now realise
is soon
and i malu

b: why you malu?

peach: because i still haven't passed my liscence
hurhur

b: MUAHAHAHA

peach: prac 6 out of 8
lazy lah
went to print PDL that day
BUT SOON
tuesday next lesson

b: im gonna catch up with you lor

peach: no way :(
but probably
haha

2007-05-11T19:49:00.000+08:00

hello friends,

last year, for my 21st birthday, i invited you to my house and had a mega big party. there were about 80 of you in the house, and i still feel grateful when i think of your tolerance of the heat that those sheer numbers generated. i was very happy; it was so good to see all of you there that day, but i also swore to myself never to attempt anything so crazy ever again. i shall attempt something even crazier.

this year, i invite you to join me for a 10km run instead!
http://www.singaporepassionrun.com/

registration ends 20 May!

2007-05-11T08:19:00.000+08:00

Leaving is going to be so hard.
Wouldn't change a thing.

2007-05-07T09:07:00.000+08:00

reunited with my mac today!

so, umm, yeah
i don't know where to start
chronologically i suppose?

29th March - 2nd April : Paris

2-8th April : Barcelona

8-27th April : Faro

18-20th April : Lisbon

27-30th April : Edinburgh

I'm really quite speechless about the whole experience. It feels quite surreal, almost as though I dreamed the whole thing. I need someone to talk to me, ask me questions, get me started. Not just anyone; I'm feeling a little knotted up right now, I need someone patient to pick at the knots and undo the mess little by little.

I don't mean to say that all that traveling wasn't good or I didn't enjoy myself. Far from it; I really had a blast. But what does it all mean? How am I different? I'm just as lost as I was before.

I am the cat who walks by herself, and all places are alike to me.

I think I understood it best when I explained it to Vanessa on this beach:

I find that most places are the same to me; the differences are obvious but superficial. The underlying, fundamental thing remains the same. I don't know what that thing is. I think it's because I'm such an extremely introverted person, that so much of my world is created and carried around inside my head, that the external environment can do very little to change it.

So, theoretically, going back to Singapore shouldn't be a big deal right? But it is.

There is just so little time left out here in the wide world, before I put my blinkers back on, keep my head down, and just keep plodding on. It hit me very hard when I drew out the months May and June on a piece of paper and started marking dates off. I knew it would, and that's why I drew it. I guess this weird feeling I have now is partially me still reeling from that blow. Could also partially be the fact that its 3am now and I got up at 7am today and walked to church from manor house (took me only 1.5hours, amazingly).

My mum says people have been asking about when I'm coming back. I want to say "I don't know" because I want to stay as long as I can; I hope to change my flight dates or something. But I hear it in their tone; right, girl, you've had enough fun. you'd better come back and settle down. Don't get any silly ideas in your head.

A little too late for that though.

And I just feel SO out of touch with everything going on back home. From the birth of Jayna, to more pregnant people to Kelvin&Grace's and Jianming&Joanne's wedding to Mandy leaving for Beijing to people graduating to the senior writing assistants not being around when I'm back. I'm just missing so much.

To be honest with you, this whole SEP experience has been a huge exercise in escapism. And now as I brace myself to face the consequences, qualms, doubts and misgivings raise their hackles and bare their teeth.

Will she fight or will she run?

2007-05-03T18:28:00.000+08:00

just in case you were wondering...

beck's back in bham!

booyakasha.

unfortunately, i'm going to disappear again to study for exams.
(or so she claims.)

updates when i feel like it!

2007-03-28T23:37:00.000+08:00

I was feeling a little displaced this morning, due in part to a disturbing breakfast conversation and also because of the unnerving feeling that i've somehow forgotten to do something important. After changing money at M&S (I didn't know they had a bureau de change, and with one of the best rates around too) I went to my favourite coffee spot to regain a little composure. I remember reading Kazuo Ishiguro's Never Let Me Go and writing down a few thoughts about it while sitting at that spot by the window, in the first few days alone in Birmingham when daddy had just gone back and I was still staying at the backpacker's place. I had a hot chocolate and a piece of carrot cake then, but today I had an ice blended latte instead. Yeah, the weather has changed a little. My weakness for carrot cake has not, though. My coffee, though it wasn't very good, was free. The cashier girl keyed in a loyalty card redemption free coffee by mistake, so I had a free coffee. This has served to further entrench my affection for the place. It gave me a little sense of completeness, as though it were some sort of coming full circle. I guess i'm just weird that way.

I went for a slow jog today, to all my favourite haunts. The flowers are out, and they sure are pretty. I've been so used to seeing all the trees bare, dry and dead looking, black and snow-covered, that now that some of them are starting to bud, indeed flower; profusely! it comes as a little bit of a surprise. When I come back, everything will be green. Smashing =)

I want to sit on the grass and have a picnic, play guitar and sing songs. Unleash my inner hippie.

This used to be a popular song in primary school, for me, my polka dotty days in st. margaret's.

What a wondrous time is spring
When all the trees are budding
The birds begin to sing
The flowers start their blooming
That's how it is with God's love
You want to sing, it's fresh like spring
You want to pass it on

touch my cold heart and renew Your love for me, Lord! things are not as dead as they seem.

Au revoir! I'm off to Paris tonight!

2007-03-28T07:30:00.000+08:00

Parting with Kuhn was hard, but I returned my copy of the Structure of Scientific Revolutions today, because I knew that I wouldn't read anything else (i.e. stuff i'm actually going to be examined on) if I didn't.

Although my MSN doesn't work while i'm in manor, it works on the school wireless network. I got a chance to chat with Fadz today! It reminded me that there's at least one thing to look forward to back in NUS; lunches with Fadz.

Also got a chance to have a nice chat with Dr Leadbeater =) I've been invited to his house for dinner after the exams because his wife would like to meet me too. If the weather's good, i've been promised a barbeque! It's always nice to talk to someone who's interested and curious about something you can tell them about. I wish I had such a nice supervisor in NUS.

I'm really savouring every dinner in manor as though it were my last. The food today was quite crap, but I lingered on and ate slowly to maximise hanging out time.

Unfortunately, that meant that i was away from my phone and uncontactable when Lilian Summer and Kaiwai were trying to jio me for dinner at Nando's. They managed to get me in the end by calling Vanessa and though the wait was long, the spiciness was quite shiok.

On the way back i ran into Josh who was quite hyper having just watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He leapt around, hummed the tune to the Nutcracker, sang the dentist song from Little Shop of Horrors and told me all the things he did "for Sparta!" after watching 300, like crossing the road "for honour and glory!" all in the space of the walk between the bus stop and manor.

In case you didn't know where I was going with all this; I'm going to miss all these people when I go traveling. yeah its silly i know, it's just a month.

A decision needs to be made about Glastonbury!

2007-03-28T07:12:00.001+08:00

I love this man.

I worry, I weigh three times my body
I worry, I throw my fear around
But this morning there's a calm I can't explain
The rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain

By the time I recognize this moment
This moment will be gone
But I bend all the light pretending
That it somehow lingered on
When all I got's

And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will pay no mind
When it wont, and it won't
Cos it can't
It just can't
It's not supposed to

2007-03-27T09:26:00.000+08:00

my ignorance is abysmal!

i was just reading up a bit about Paris and France, just so that at least a few of those sights in the most touristy place in the world would mean something to me. and there is just so much that i don't know.

i did manage to find out that Calvin and Hobbes were named after John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes though. and on that basis alone, i've decided that like this Bill Watterson man very much. that and his resistance to merchandising.

don't ask how i got from Napoleon and the French revolution to an American comic strip. just blame wikipedia.

2007-03-26T07:09:00.000+08:00

Happy pre-birthday to kaiwai!

2007-03-24T23:17:00.000+08:00

300 was a very hyper movie.

First of all, the overt hypermasculinity. From lingering shots of a nude king in the moonlight to the apparent cloth shortage plaguing the whole of Sparta to the dyslogistic attitude towards the "boy-loving" Greeks to the strange and excessive facial hair (i could go on forever); the whole movie seemed like a propaganda vehicle for the Greek ideal of masculinity. Ideals of honour, valour and pride were very poorly developed and fuzzy at best, and yet expected to be enough to motivate the whole plot. I found it particularly interesting how the King Xerxes was portrayed as this bisexual being; at once massively tall and well-built but with kohl-lined eyes, bedecked in jewelry and a voice that reminded me of the sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania (Rocky Horror Picture Show). In fact Rocky himself was built from the model of a Greek god, so these two movies make for very interesting contrasts.

Secondly, the use of hyperbole. This was very in-your-face, given the comic book sensibilities of the cinematography. Not surprising for an adaptation of a graphic novel though, especially one of Frank Miller's. The slow-mo action, the way that the lighting was so dramatic, all the blood and gore and chopping heads off stuff and the amusing war beasts, made me feel like i had to flip the pages sometimes. Life imitates art, 3D imitates 2D. I still haven't watched Sin City yet, but there might be some interesting comparisons to be made there too.

Lastly, what amused me most of all, was how hyper li lian was after the movie. The rest of the night was filled with cries of "I spartan you!!!" and various assaults on wei min. LOL.

So yeah, go catch the movie! Not the best movie in the world, but very interesting for a "guy movie". Comments and discussion welcomed!

2007-03-24T08:07:00.000+08:00

I've just booked my return flight from Faro and sent my aunty an email letting her know when i'll be there. Doing practical things like that makes it seem more real.
I leave in just 5 days!
Excited but also numb, so surreal and so sudden.
France, Spain and Portugal!

2007-03-22T22:15:00.000+08:00

Four perfect days in Wales

Thank you =)

2007-03-12T08:29:00.000+08:00

Coniston Trip
9-11 March 2007

more photos here.

Next week: Cardiff!

2007-03-09T22:54:00.000+08:00

Off to Coniston in 20 minutes!
Bye everyone!

2007-03-09T22:43:00.000+08:00

She cooks!

Tom Yum

Beef + Broccoli stir fry

Cheese omelette

2007-03-09T06:49:00.000+08:00

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed--and gazed--but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

William Wordsworth, 1804.

Rebecca Tan leaves for the Coniston, Cumbria, in the Lake district tomorrow at 4pm, almost exactly 100 years after Wordsworth's poem was published. Maybe she'll write a poem or two and do some sketches. See how she feels.

Bet this will make Wei min feel jealous because they only spent 3 hours there:
Coniston is a popular spot for hill-walking and rock-climbing; there are fine walks to be had on the nearby Furness Fells and Grizedale Forest, and some of the finest rock in the Lake District on the eastern face of Dow Crag, three miles from the village.

2007-03-09T01:33:00.000+08:00

I close my eyes and try to remember the houses spreading out under my feet at the top of Merrit's hill. People going about their daily lives, families and pets and gardens.

How the cold air fills my lungs and my head, how the sunshine feels on my face.

As I struggle up the slope to reach Isaac Tongue Junction, I think to myself: It feels good to be alive.

It's a beautiful day, don't let it fade away.

2007-03-07T04:46:00.000+08:00

This is how it works.

On the radio
We heard November rain
That solo's really long
But it's a pretty song
We listened to it twice
Cause the DJ was asleep

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

And on the radio
You hear November Rain
That solo's awful long
But it's a good refrain
You listen to it twice
Cause the DJ is asleep
On the radio

from timo's blog

2007-03-06T03:25:00.001+08:00

I get mine from Tesco!

2007-03-02T09:57:00.000+08:00

2 skipped lectures
1 missed potluck
and half a box of chocolates later

becky has finished her essay.

and managed to catch Volver too!

2007-03-01T21:48:00.000+08:00

I have been writing this essay both night...

...and day

but keep getting distracted along the way.

only 982 words to go! c'mon becky!!!

2007-02-28T19:41:00.000+08:00

"So, the cross is always ready and waits for you everywhere. You cannot escape it no matter where you run, for wherever you go you are burdened with yourself. Wherever you go, there you are."
—Thomas a Kempis, Imitation of Christ, ca. A.D. 1440

I'm going for a run with Summer today, and I always play these songs in my head when I run. Good for thinking.

Collective Soul :: Run

Are these times contagious
I've never been this bored before
Is this the prize I've waited for?
Now as the hours passing
There's nothing left here to insure
I long to find a messenger

Have I got a long way to run?
Yeah, I run

Is there a cure among us
From this processed sanity?
I weaken with each voice that sings
In this world of purchase
I'm going to buy back memories
To awaken some old qualities

Have I got a long way to run?
Yeah, I run

The Doobie Brothers :: It keeps you running

Say, where you gonna go
Girl, where you gonna hide
You go on leavin out your heart
And all its sayin down deep inside
From here I can feel your heartbeat
Oh, you got me all wrong
You ain't got no worry
You just been lonely too long
I know what it means to hide your heart
From a long time ago
Oh, darlin'

It keeps you running, yeah it keeps you running

Oh, I know how you feel
Hey, you know I been there
But what you're keepin' to yourself
Oh, you know it just ain't fair
Are you gonna worry
For the rest of your life
Why you in such a hurry
To be lonely one more night
I know what it means to hide your heart
From a long time ago
Oh, darlin'

It keeps you runnin, yeah it keeps you runnin

Willie Nelson :: Against the wind

It seems like yesterday, but it was a long time ago
She was lovely, she was the queen of my nights
There in the darkness with the radio, playin' low
The secrets that we shared, the mountains that we moved
Caught like a wildfire out of control
There was nothing left to burn and nothing left to prove

And I remember what she said to me
How she swore that it would never end
I remember how she held me oh, so tight
Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then

Against the wind
We were running against the wind
We were young and strong
But just running against the wind

And the years rolled slowly past, I found myself alone
Surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends
I found myself further and further from my home
I guess I lost my way, there were oh, so many roads
I was livin' to run and runnin' to live
Never worrying about paying or how much I owed

Movin' eight miles a minute for months at a time
Breakin' all of the rules that would bend
I began to find myself searchin'
Searchin' for shelter again and again

Against the wind
We were running against the wind
I found myself seekin'
Shelter against the wind

All those drifter's days are passed me now
I've got so much more to think about
Deadlines and commitments
What to leave in, what to leave out

Against the wind
We were running against the wind
Well I'm older now and still
Running against the wind
Against the wind

2007-02-22T05:35:00.000+08:00

i was thinking of that time back home, when feeling numb was the only way to get by. I hardly laughed, my smiles were all forced, and the only emotion i could provoke was anger, and even then, not very well. I was afraid that something inside me had died, for good.

that fear followed me here, i think. its manifested in the inability to see wonder in the life around me, the failure to enjoy the things around me. in the dead zone, the no man's land, neither happy nor sad. a grey flat line. nothing excites me.

it makes me think about what he said about stability and stagnation. i hate it how, after all this time, one person's words can still have such profound effect on me. Just as they once did when i was only 14. that's eight years ago now, but i haven't changed, so the numbers don't really matter do they.

all those things i saw in myself and hated, they're still there, too.

but at least i know i'm not dead. and that's because right now, i really feel like talking, which is a strange kinda mood to be seized by, at least for me. to me it heralds the stirrings of something deep down that's beginning to come alive again, and wants somewhere to go.

i haven't had a proper conversation in too long. i really miss friends like chels, serene and enai right now.

perhaps i'll bloom when the daffodils do. we'll see.

2007-02-20T04:55:00.000+08:00

Stratford and Warwick Trip

Slow down, you move too fast
You've got to make the morning last
Just kicking down the cobblestones
Looking for fun and feeling groovy

I got no deeds to do, no promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
Let the morningtime drop all it's petals on me
Life, I love you
All is groovy

My friend Fred, the big green plant monster, peeked around the corner and waved me a cheeky "hi!". I don't think anyone else saw him.

The open window was too inviting to resist.

Warwick Castle

Does this make my butt look fat? Eh, Lourdes?

The home of lords, earls and other historical figures for a few good centuries. Now a tacky tourist destination, replete with cheesy re-enactments, wax figures, expensive eating outlets and of course, merchandise.

2007-02-15T08:01:00.001+08:00

Chelestier Kong said: "Singaporean men really need help."

It is scientifically proven that sugar dissolves in water. So please don't go out in the rain too much, because I can't afford to lose such a sweet person like you.

okaaaaaay.

2007-02-15T05:46:00.001+08:00

Happy Valentine's day everyone, beckyboo loves you!

2007-02-12T04:04:00.000+08:00

i want to go to Glastonbury SO BAD.

two problems:

one: no one to go with
two: 145 pounds is a lot

Glastonbury!

2007-02-11T00:11:00.000+08:00

The Knife and Fork cafe closes today.

I fell in love with this place and its audacious claims from the bus window. When Josh said that it was closing down, today, I just had to go; my first and last visit.

sorry, i'm lazy.

this is what i meant by falling into the canal. the place is being shut down because the building is no longer deemed safe. they got their final notice just last week, and have been packed ever since. one week to wrap up 24 years of service is insultingly short notice.

its got character, this place does.

Inside the tiny place. It was wonderful, the smells, the sounds. Every time someone walked in, they'd get a cheer and everytime someone left they'd go say goodbye to the owners, with a round of hugs and photo taking. We were talking to a regular (he's only been going there 15 years), and he was saying how it was the kind of place where they'd remember your name, how many sugars you took with your tea, and ask about your family. When I asked him how I could avoid all the touristy things and do something "really brum" he said, "go get drunk and start a fight! that's the brum way." I told him I would =)

The end of an era.

2007-02-10T08:30:00.000+08:00

So today it took me one and a half hours on the bus when it usually takes 15 minutes. Someone told me that people got so frustrated with the traffic that they just abandoned their cars and walked. But other than that, the snow's been massive fun. I've managed to pass unscathed through two warring snowballing factions while scurrying to lecture, going past people creating giant snowballs and snowmen in fantastical forms. I'm too shy to start a fight of my own, but we'll see how I feel about it tomorrow.

Tomorrow we're going to the Knife and Fork, before it gets shut down by the health inspectors. Heh. I hope all 50 of us turn up and squeeze into that place, I swear its going to fall into the canal if we do.

Right now, there's a crazy party going on in the snooker room. Well, what do you expect with a bunch of students snowed in on a friday night? I was down at the pub playing cards till 11 when it closed, but everyone's got alcohol in their rooms, so they just moved a laptop and speakers into Grace's room and continued there. Not really my scene, but I hung around a while because I knew Vanessa really wanted to dance. Thinking of Aaron's crazy dance moves makes me laugh though, makes me wonder how he dances when he's drunk.

Yep, this weekend is for hanging out with my fellow Manorians. I like it here.

2007-02-08T19:58:00.001+08:00

SNOW!

2007-02-07T06:28:00.000+08:00

Three girls; an American, a Norwegian and a Singaporean, go out to watch a movie. We ask a stranger for directions along the way, and she asks: "so, where are you from?" We pause, exchanging quick glances, and laugh. There is no better protocol for a situation like that. On our way back we talk about what we felt about the movie, and other movies and books that we liked, or not, and why. A beautiful idea was hatched and promises made about assured accomodation in three rather different corners of the world.

But today's film, oh, it just took my breath away.

It was the film society's screening of Wong Kar-Wai's In the Mood for Love, or 花样年华. That evocative mood of longing, pain and tragedy, seeping through the flaking paint of the city walls and dark crevices of Angkor Wat. The symmetry of composition and movement, duplicating and doubling the loneliness and pathos. And the slow, languid passing of time, spreading out the dense emotions like a thick, heady syrup.

Now I must watch the other two!

2007-02-06T08:40:00.000+08:00

A simple prayer from the heart.

Thank you, God, for friends who are almost family, whose kindness and friendship warms the cold winter days. Thank you for London, and for the opportunity and privilege to be travelling like that. Thank you for getting us home safe and sound, late wake ups and delays notwithstanding. But thank you most of all for Jesus, continue to teach me of His precious, ultimate worth.

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss!
The Father turned His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen one
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon the Cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath as brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

1 Corinthians 13:12
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

Amen.

2007-02-01T09:59:00.000+08:00

Today I...

- had 2 interesting lectures; one on arthritis and one on anti-depressant drugs
- went rock climbing!
- failed to obtain the autograph of my esteemed climbing instructor *cough*
- had homemade crepes with pseudo-nutella + banana + vanilla ice cream and smoked salmon + yoghurt + oregano
- played "bonjour robert" for the first time
- had a very long discussion about the prohibition of burkhas in French schools and cultural integration with a German girl, French girl, Italian guy and two Americans (guess whose position I was defending?)
- missed the last bus home and felt cheated by the cab driver who charged us 5.25 pounds though it wasn't a long trip

and tomorrow, I do laundry.

2007-01-31T18:25:00.000+08:00

Maybe the ang mohs have good reason to be surprised when they find out that my first language is English.

Check out this headline from an NUS security email:
SECURITY ALERT - CONMAN RANS AWAY WITH HANDPHONES BELONGING TO STUDENTS!

shocking. indeed.